|
|
Real country is Hank Williams on pain killers.
Real country is blue smoke with no muffler.
Real country is lung cancer and black coffee.
Real country is cheap sex and penicillin.
Real country is half beers with cigarette butts.
Hey partner, are you a cowboy or a dude?
[Chorus]
Cause, if you like new country then fuck you and the horse you rode in on!
If you like new country then fuck you and that Coors Light you're drinkin'!
If you like new country then fuck you and your Calvin Klein wardrobe!
If you like new country then fuck you and your lawyer buddies!
If you like new country then fuck you and you goddamn cell phone!!!!
Solo: Peggy Sue
Solo: Ronnie James
New country is child-proof lighters and Matinee cigarettes.
New country is double mochachino el frappe lattes.
New country is cargo pants straight from the GAP.
Hey partner, do you drive a pick-up or an SUV?
So when did the village people take over Nashville anyhow?
[Repeat Chorus]
I drink so much I just about drown.
I got tabs all over town.
All the cops know me by name.
And I don't remember when I last got laid.
Hootenany! I'm gonna have a good time if it kills me!
Those bastards got my Chevy in the pound.
These coffin nails will put me in the ground.
My ex keyed my car,
And I stepped in shit in my own back yard.
I've been up on meth all week.
It takes a handful of Valium to put me asleep.
None of the ladies want to dance,
'Cause I got so tight I shit my pants.
Too much workin' drags a man down,
Like a brawl with a rodeo clown.
Y'all might be wonderin' what a hootenany is...
Well I'll tell ya what it is!
Loosin' your pants in a public place.
Shot-gunning beer behind the church.
Spending welfare-wednesday at the bar.
And I'll tell ya what else is a hootenany,
Next weekend!
I'm gonna have a gawddamn good time if it fuckin' kills me!
Ass is for kicking not kissing.
Boots are for walking not licking.
Whisky's for drinking not sipping.
And jobs are for quitting not keeping!
My boss said "Ass, cash or grass, no one rides for free."
I told him "Ride this! You ain't shit to me.
I don't need this, there's plenty more snakes in the trees.
A forty and a Hustler is good enough for me."
Hell's for the living.
The meek won't inherit shit.
And there ain't no job I'm afraid to quite.
I ain't your wigger, you dropped it you pick it up.
It's your puke, get your dog to lick it up.
I got three words for you:
Who gives a fuck?
Who cares about neutrinos,
When I can't afford to eat at Binos?
If they're so good at chemistry,
Why can't they make some crank for me?
Giddeup, giddeup, giddeup...
Why ain't there a nobel prize for,
...sucker punches and cross checks?
...five finger discounts?
...demolition derbies?
...two day hang-overs?
...scotch whisky?
...death metal?
...meth labs?
...dink hats?
...getting fired?
...being lazy?
...chain smoking?
If they're so good at biology,
Why can't they make a money tree?
Why are all these scientists so bent on cloning sheep?
They all a bunch of sexual freaks?
Giddeup, giddeup, giddeup...
[Interlude, banter, etc.]
Why ain't there a nobel prize for,
...bad credit?
...muff diving?
...cheap flash and jail tatoos?
...stink palming?
...pornography?
...trench coats and semi-automatics?
Comb your hair and paint and powder.
You act proud and I'll act prouder.
You sing loud and I'll sing louder.
Tonight we're settin' the woods on fire.
You're my gal, and I'm your feller,
Dress up in your frock of yeller.
I'll look swell, but you'll look sweller,
Settin' the woods on fire.
We'll take all the honkey-tonks,
Tonight we're having fun.
We'll show the folks a brand new dance,
That never has been done.
I don't care who thinks we're silly,
I'll be daffer, you be dilly.
We'll order up two bowls of chilly.
Settin' the woods on fire.
[Instrumental]
I'll gas up my hot-rod stoker,
We'll get hotter than a poker.
You'll be broke, but I'll be broker.
Tonight we're settin' the woods on fire.
We'll set close to one another,
Up one street and down another.
We'll have a time, oh brother!
Settin' the woods on fire.
We'll set aside a little time
To fix a flat or two.
My tires and tubes are doing fine,
But the air is showing through.
You clap hands and I'll start bowing,
We'll do all the law's allowing,
Tommorow I'll be right back plowing.
Settin' the woods on fire!
An unforseen future, nestled somewhere in time.
Unsuspecting victims, no warning, no sign.
Judgement day, the second coming arrives.
Before you see the light, you must die!
Forgotten children conform a new faith.
Avidity and lust, controlled by hate.
Never ending search for your shattered sanity.
Souls of damnation in their own reality.
Chaos rampant, an age of distrust.
Confrontations, impulsive habitat...
Bastard sons begat your country daughters.
Permiscous mothers with your incestous fathers.
Ingrate souls condemned for eternity.
Sustained by immoral observance of a domineering deity.
Chaos rampant, an age of distrust.
Confrontations, impulsive sabbath...
On and on south of heaven... [x4]
The root of all evil is the heart of a bad solo.
A force that has lived in all eternity.
Never ending search for a truth never told.
Loss of all hope and your dignity.
Chaos rampant, an age of distrust.
Confrontations, impulsive habitat...
On and on south of heaven... [x4]
[Chorus]
I dream of a free beer garden, out in the sun.
Great big fucking speakers, cranking Hank Williams.
The only smokes I can afford are Numbers 7's.
And why are all the liquor stores shut at eleven?
I can only afford to insure my Chevy month to month.
The rest of the time I have to ride the goddamn bus.
I'm so sick of eating Kraft Dinner.
And why are my pull tabs never a winner?
I couldn't buy smokes 'cause I forgot my ID.
Then I got ripped of by some kid who said he'd buy 'em for me.
All my credit cards are to the limit.
And three times this week, I've stepped in shit.
My girlfriend left me for my father.
Then I walked in on a threesome between them and my mother.
[Repeat chorus and first two verses]
You ain't lived till you've had staph infection.
You ain't been there till you've had sores on your erection.
You ain't seen nothing till you've huffed Le Page's.
And you're still a pup till you've publicly masturbated.
Home, home of the deranged.
Where the blood flows freely,
And the wives are estranged.
Pool cue in the right eye socket.
Was gonna let him live,
Then I thought, awe fuck it.
Riding this horsie straight to the grave.
My momma always told me I was depraved.
Always had a soft spot for death.
And a I butt out my smoke,
As he takes his last breath.